Queue & A | To Plan or Not to Plan

Resetting My Reading and Knocking Over That TBR

» Hi. My name is Chrissie and I have a reading problem.

Not that my problem is an overindulgence of reading. I mean, would that even count? (No. The answer is no.) My reading as I once knew it has been broken and getting there at a steady rate over the past couple of years. In the second half of 2024, I completely burned out. I got mad at my past self for requesting or accepting so many galleys (a habit I’m super thrilled to report has not improved; more on that in a mo’), I got mad that I kept buying books to not read, and I couldn’t seem to stop piling on to my ever-growing, nonsensically hopeful TBR.

Last year, in the middle of my reading life falling apart to whatever degree before the dust settled, I purged my TOO BIG TBR. It was over 1000 books optimistic on Goodreads and apparently about 200 owned books languishing on my shelves. {Insert sad trombone}.

So, I cut a slit into the roof and let a little light in — I spent a not insignificant amount of time wiping it down to 50 books. I left my owned books alone, with the near ridiculous notion I’d be able to mentally prioritize them. (Spoiler alert: This has not happened yet.) But still, I’ve made progress. The light is peeping through.

I did realize earlier in 2024 that I am NOT a book subscription person — I have a whole shelf of Book of the Month and Aardvark books forming part of the support group of languishing literature. Clearly, I cannot be told what to read…. I am a nincompoop about taking recommendations, I should not be trusted to ask for or receive books as gifts, and yet…I remember a time when I read books as I bought them. As they came into my house, whether to stay a short while on loan or to live with me, I did this thing and actually read them. Do I get to say I prioritized them? I don’t think so. With nothing to have prioritized them over — I think that’s out.

Not ten years ago, I read books with no real TBR. Spontaneously. Enthusiastically, even. But I haven’t felt that for a while. There’s this push-push-push to my reading these days. And I’m realizing it’s making me unhappy. I’ve allowed invisible and absolutely made-up delusions to dictate my reading. I’m reading for a future that’s unshaped, rather than reading for now. Rather than reading for me.

I promised myself last year that I’d stop requesting or accepting so many galleys, but — while I remained strict for a few months (I had this big dream that I’d limit myself to one published book a month), that restriction didn’t stick. So, I fell off the wagon, but I’m not even sure jumping onto a wagon like that was a valid response. Restricting myself is the way it felt to begin with. Maybe I was looking at that all wrong.

Is there a way to “fix” it? Or do I need to accept that this is the new me? Learn to live with it? Nah, that can’t be right.

Then, this past Sunday, I could not find what to read for my next audiobook. I spent, minus sleeping and eating times, most of Sunday and the morning of Monday hunting for a book. I sampled. I started and then DNFd. I honestly don’t know how many. And…in this process, I managed to skinny down the ol’ TBR a bit more. That reminded me that I need to leave space for the spontaneity that I’m craving to get back to. I also was reminded of the reason I started allowing myself to abandon a book that wasn’t working for me. (I didn’t start DNFing until 2020.) It’s a waste of my time and a disservice to a book that works for loads of other people.

So, where does that leave me? I’m not entirely sure, but this feels like continuing down that path that I started on last year when I whittled the absurd list of over 1000 books down to an ambitious, but surprisingly reasonable 50. As I type this, my TBR sits just under 30 books. We are generously ignoring my 200+ owned but unread books, because that’s not a TBR…that’s a situation for another stage. However, I am finally starting to feel the pull of those blessed books on my shelves.

Who knows? I might even pick one up and read it one day. One day soonish. Right now, I’m thinking I want my TBR around 20-25, leaving room for unreleased books I want to remember or the next book in a series, so it stays in my line of sight. Maybe one day I’ll nix the entire thing. But I want that list to not even come close to overwhelming me. I want to gently nudge myself to my owned books and leave plenty of space for other books to find me. Something like it used to be.

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I’m not one for a question of the day to end on (I also cannot be counted on to answer them), but as we near the mid-year check-in onslaught, I do wonder how everyone else’s reading is going. I know a lot of people who hit similar brick walls last year, whose reading suffered, and who are struggling with the notion of chasing that feeling of having finished a book, rather than the act of reading one.

So, join me for a reset and jump on the struggle bus — there’s room left. Let’s hope we figure all this out and then maybe we can get back to our regularly unscheduled reading.

—C.